20 May, 2019

Review - Bigfoot, I Not Dead by Graham Roumieu


Bigfoot: I Not Dead

This book is not for the faint of heart. Bigfoot is not above smashing some heads in.

Told in a set of two page spread memoirs with no, that I could tell, unifying theme other than that of Bigfoot's characterization. It's hilarious and as often as not it's in a cringe-worthy, un-PC way. 

Really, this is the only way to describe it, with quotes from the book:

“How many times I have explain? I pee over there, over there and over there. Technically make it Bigfoot territory.” 

“Q: Bigfoot, when my Guinea pig wake up? Parents say he sleeping in box in ground in bakc garden. 
Suzie, Ag 9, Toronto, Canada

A: Actually Suzie Guinea pig dead and Bigfoot already dig up and eat. If want back Bigfoot probably poop out bones and fur ni day or so. Very delicious, raise him right, he taste like love.” 
― Graham Roumieu, Bigfoot: I Not Dead

As you can see, it's pretty grade-school humor so, if you're not above poop and pee jokes, you might like it.

3.5 out of 5 Stars (recommended)

17 May, 2019

Review - Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson

12184193I've been dying to read this book for years, but due to my terrible inability to read books not in audio format lately, this one's been on the backlog ... until I recently got Audible and find out Snow Crash is an "only from Audible" exclusive.

This book has so much going for it and that's why it's been something at the top of my list. 

Ninja swords, check. 
Hackers, check.
Future dystopia, check.
pizza delivery, weird, but check.
Virtual reality, check.
Ninja fighting, check.

This also screams 80's, which is when it was written, but I was fully on board with all of the above. I also recently watched Kung Fury and Hasselhoff's accompanying music video, True Survivor, so I was extra pumped for this read.

The beginning pulls you right in. Grabbed me right away and that was so exciting. I was fully engaged at this point. Pizza delivery, 30 minutes or less or the mob boss destroys you. Then Hiro (Hiro Protagonist, which is still a bit too on the nose for what even I know is satire), picks up a pizza that's already 20 minutes into the time period. He meets Y.T. who's also a very cool character and of course, hot as hell.

Wow, so exciting. And that's not the only time. There are a number of great, exciting scenes. If only they could have held any kind of decent pacing, but sadly they started to become the rare gems amid a lot of meh.

I enjoyed the point Stephenson is trying to make that people can essentially be coded by their own languages. I'm not sure I fully agree with it outside the novel, but it absolutely works here. The problem in this books is that the characters are 80's cool, but lack any kind of substance. They're essentially placeholders for an 80's wetdream, but they have no development and definitely no growth throughout the novel.

Then there are the info dumps. First, I guarantee there are a million different ways this information could have been peppered throughout the narrative to keep the flow moving (and cut down as well!), but they are so halting and long and, honestly, largely useless for understanding the concepts, that it really makes this a torture at times ... even on audio.

Speaking of audio, since this is literally the only audio version available (with exceptions I'm sure), it's also very 80's, but this time in the worst possible way. The narrator himself, Jonathan Davis, does a good job. I'm not commenting on him. It's the quality of the sound and the production added in that killed me. They use that 80's, I don't know how else to call it, swipe that attempts to make everything sound futuristic, but only takes you out of the story and reminds you you're listening to some very dated technology.

Not only do they have the futuristic swipe, but they added some mumbling, speaking in tongues, to enhance the story I'm sure, which sounds vaguely racist and ... pulls you out of the story.

I am pretty disappointed overall. This had so much going for it and it's considered a classic, but it's so uneven and the characters are so poorly drawn that I can't say I cared all that much for them. I did worry it might sound a bit dated, but overall I don't think it was too dated for me (other than the actual technology used to produce it). 

2.5 out of 5 Stars (meh)

16 May, 2019

Review - Fire & Blood by George R.R. Martin

39943621As the old saying goes: "Show, don't tell...until you're rich and famous and everyone will buy up any old crap you throw out there when you should be writing some other book everyone has been waiting for years to read." 

I was really excited to get a copy of Dangerous Women, the anthology edited by GRRM and the late, great Gardner Dozois, and that excitement was mostly due to GRRM's own contribution, The Princess and the Queen. Being the fanboy I am, I skipped all the other stories and dove right into Martin's novella. Only 26 pages of pure exposition later and I couldn't go further. I was bored out of my mind.

That novella makes up a healthy amount of the latter half of Fire & Blood: 300 Years Before A Game of Thrones (A Targaryen History) (A Song of Ice and Fire). I had a feeling it might, so I threw and Audible credit at this, knowing that there was little likelihood of me getting through this with my eyeballs doing the reading.

I wouldn't have made it through without Audible, that's for sure. It's just so boring.

So I'm a huge fan, I've been around since the Grrrumblers were making a stink about A Dance with Dragons coming out and I even agreed with Neal Gaiman at the time who stated the famous, "George RR Martin is not your bitch" phrase. I'm finding that less my opinion now and it's switched to Brian McClellan's well-argued point that we fans are owed something.

It's not this though.

It's boring. And that's not to say it's not interesting at times. I think a true fan has got to read this. There's great history and I was even entertained from time to time, but if you thought there was a large cast of characters before, this book puts them all to shame....and they're all named something along the line of Aemon, Aegon, Daemon, etc. It's hard to keep track, but then I realized, it doesn't even matter all that much (that could also be from the audio reading, it's much harder to keep straight).

And this gets me to my initial point. It's all tell, no show. It's written from the perspective of a maester so it's literally a history book. We don't get to know characters (maybe that stinker Mushroom a bit), just deeds and events. Then more events and some deeds. No stakes, no beautiful writing we've come to love from GRRM. And then it's just depressing too, which was expected I guess, but let's just say there's lots of death, backstabbing, and incest. None of which is made more entertaining than a history book would.

2.5 out of 5 Stars (recommended for die-hards)

[BLOG UPDATE: Not sure if I'm officially back, just had the passing fancy to post a couple reviews in the next little bit. I've been relatively active on Goodreads with reviews here and there if you want to find me. I stopped taking review copies and, to be honest, it's been the greatest thing. It's very freeing.]

17 June, 2016

Brilliance (Brilliance #1) by Marcus Sakey

This book is up for sale on Amazon so often I honestly wonder how the author makes any money. And it's not like it's up for sale so that you'll have to buy the sequels at full price, no way. The sequels are up for sale as much as anything else.

And I honestly hope this guy makes some money. I had a great time with the first of the Brilliance saga. He's created a very real world, well, a real consequence of people turning out with extreme gifts that make them leaps and bounds above the average human.

Take our protagonist, Nick Cooper, called "Cooper," who can read patterns so well he can even track fellow brilliants (the name of these gifted people) knowing nothing other than their movements to escape him. He can read lies, he can even read thoughts spelled out as plainly as if spoken.

There are others, one in particular who have devastated the country because they can read the stock market. One in particular, John Smith, strolled into a diner and murdered everyone in it and Cooper wants nothing more than to see justice.

One of the reasons I say this book is realistic for its subject matter is because Cooper actually belongs to a government group that tracks down his own kind. He believes because he's trying to keep the country together. His kind have shown their powers of destruction, but it's brilliant (get it) because is he right? Is this the way to achieve those goals?

I thought this was a great concept that was also extremely well put together. That's often hard to do and often you get one without the other. I know he earns his pay, but I hope some day it grows larger ... at least as far as my calculations go.

4 out of 5 Stars (highly recommended)