Showing posts with label giveaway. Show all posts
Showing posts with label giveaway. Show all posts

06 August, 2021

100 Subscriber and GIVEAWAY! ($25 at Book Depository, your choice)

It's been a while since I've done a giveaway so here we go again. There are just a few extra steps this time cause big things are happening on the Youtube channel. Please check out the link below and the description of the video for the giveaway rules. (They're pretty simple)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWmnaMQpHUQ

Please like, subscribe, and comment for your chance to win $25.00 (American) worth of Book Depository as long BD can reach you. That's pretty much it, but please still check the full rules.

21 October, 2015

Giveaway Winner - The Art of Language Invention by David J. Peterson (creator of Game of Throne's Dothraki language)

I'm sorry my posts have been so sporadic of late. I had 4 hearings scheduled this week alone coupled with your usual client emergencies and the pile of work my boss gives me. I'm barely hanging on here.

However, I do owe a giveaway winner for our latest giveaway. Plus, expect another giveaway coming up soon.


This looks like such a great book, I'm glad someone will get their hands on it shortly. From the creator of the Dothraki language from the hit HBO television series, Game of Thrones, David J. Peterson takes us into what it takes to invent a language.

Our winner of a single copy of The Art of Language Invention by David J. Peterson is:

Bridget from Milford, OH

Thanks to all who participated, I've emailed the winner. As I mentioned, there will be another giveaway later this week.

30 September, 2015

Giveaway - The Art of Language Invention: From Horselords to Dark Elves, the Words Behind Worldbuilding by David J. Peterson (Creator of the Dothraki language for Game of Thrones)

I've got a great giveaway for one copy of David J. Peterson's new book, The Art of Language Invention: From Horse-Lords to Dark Elves, the Words Behind World-Building. As you well know, and not just because of the title to this post, Peterson is the genius behind the Dothraki language in the Game of Thrones television show. 


As the publicity rep explains:
In THE ART OF LANGUAGE INVENTION, master language creator David J. Peterson lays out a creative, highly accessible guide to language construction for science-fiction and fantasy fans, writers, game creators, and language lovers. A perfect entry point into an art form as old as civilization, THE ART OF LANGUAGE INVENTION is a wild linguistic adventure that will have readers ready to rub shoulders with horse lords and dark elves and perhaps inspire them to create their own languages.
Here's how to enter:
1) Send an email with your name and physical address to onlythebestsff@[replace this]gmail.com.
2) Please provide the following in the subject line: "hetay artay ofay anguageay inventionay"
3) This is US only. *ducks rotten fruit*
4) Snark always helps your chances of winning future giveaways. As if you even can...
5) Remember, only one person wins, I wish I had more!

02 July, 2015

Winners - Signed Prince of Fools paperback from Mark Lawrence


We had a great turnout for this giveaway. Apparently Mark Lawrence is a popular guy with fans literally all over the world. So without further ado, we've got two winners of the signed Prince of Fools giveaway:


















David Keith from Indiana, USA


and

Mircea Popescu from Sibiu, Romania

Thanks for all the entries and congrats to the winners!

There wasn't a whole lot of snark because people generally were too happy to have a chance to win something by Mark Lawrence to be able to get into a really snarky mood. I can't say I blame them.


15 June, 2015

Winner Chosen - Giveaway for Trial of Intentions by Peter Orullian

We have our winner for an ARC copy of Trial of Intentions by Peter Orullian:


Kayla Strickland from Virginia!

Thanks to all who entered and congrats to Kayla! I had a few responses who commiserated with my lack of attention to emails and some very nice responses in general. No snark, you guys are just too nice. :)

Look for an interview with Mr. Orullian going up tomorrow.

04 June, 2015

Giveaway - Two Signed Copies of Prince of Fools (paperback) by Mark Lawrence


Some days being a blogger is just fun. This is one of 'em. (Are there even any bad blogging days?) I woke up this morning to a direct message from author, Mark Lawrence, who, among other things, offered to do a giveaway with signed copies of Prince of Fools.

I can't say that was my hardest decision of the day. Not only did I love the book (review here), but I get to give away a book that I loved to two lucky people, and it's signed!

The sequel to Prince of Fools just came out in the US and it's one of my most-anticipated books this year. The Liar's Key is book 2 in The Red Queen's War and I couldn't be more excited to jump back into Lawrence's writing. Note, this is NOT a giveaway for The Liar's Key.

The rules for those who want to enter for their chance to win one of two SIGNED, paperback copies of Mark Lawrence's Prince of Fools, Book 1 in The Red Queen's War:

1 - Send me an email to onlythebestsff@[remove this]gmail.com with your name and address.
2 - Enter the subject, "Prince of Princes!"
3 - This is an international giveaway, so ... no aliens from outer space I guess.
4 - Snark increases chances of winning future giveaways! I know I'm terrible, but how can I know how terrible I am? This is how.

19 May, 2015

Giveaway - Trial of Intentions (Vault of Heaven #2) by Peter Orullian



Somehow I ended up with an extra copy of Peter Orullian's Trial of Intentions. While technically book two of the Vault of Heaven series (preceded by The Unremembered), the author tells us Trial can be read on it's own.

I really enjoyed The Unremembered, perhaps because of the similarities to the Wheel of Time, but the characters are also all their own. This is one hefty book, but since it's me running the giveaway on my own, I'll open this one up internationally.

The rules for those who want to enter for their chance to win one copy of Peter Orullian's Trial of Intentions:

1 - Send me an email to onlythebestsff@[remove this]gmail.com with your name and address.
2 - Enter the subject, "Emails of Intentions" which is my book where I have so many intentions of getting back with people and don't. I can't say I recommend reading it.
3 - This is an international giveaway, so ... no aliens from outer space I guess.
4 - Snark increases chances of winning future giveaways! I know I'm terrible, but how can I know how terrible I am? This is how.

21 January, 2015

Guest Post - Tim Marquitz "These Ain't Yo Mama's Zombies" and $25 GIVEAWAY to Amazon plus Signed Copy of Dirge!

It's been far too long since I've mentioned Tim Marquitz on the blog, but that doesn't mean he hasn't been as active as ever. I have a couple of his books up in the queue very soon, but the problem is I never know when to start. The man's a machine, consistently pushing out high quality stories that enthrall you from page one. 


I've loved Tim's work since I first discovered Armageddon Bound and the Demon Squad series. Tim's got a new book out from Permuted Press and I will be reading it next for sure. Just look at the blurb for Dirge:
Wreathed in the ashes of betrayal, forced to come of age in the dungeons of her stolen inheritance, Kallie Brynn Soren died so that Dirge might be born.

In the midst of an undead invasion, Kallie is gifted powers by a dying priest. His last wish is for her to use them against the Necrolords in a way his faith would not allow. Reborn as Dirge and free of the priests conscience, she is more than happy to do so.

But when fate brings Dirge into the employ of the emperorthe same man whose machinations brought about the murder of her fatherthe opportunity for revenge becomes too much to ignore.

Torn between vengeance and the need to protect the only people she dare call family, Dirge learns there is a much deeper purpose to the Necrolords advance. Should it come to light, it might destroy everyone.

You'll find the giveaway below, and believe me, you want to enter this one. But first, Tim's here to talk about Zombies and Dirge, not your typical zombie story...

______________________

These Ain’t Yo Mama’s Zombies

“This isn’t your typical zombie story,” is a line that pops up all too frequently these days. Authors are always trying to include the lovable hunks of decomposing flesh while spinning the concept as something new, something no one else has done or thought of. Sadly, that’s pretty damn hard to do without destroying the basis of what’s come before; what people understand to be zombie stories. Fortunately, I’m not here to tell you that I’ve reinvented the zombie and Dirge is a whole new chapter of never before seen undead action.

I’m just gonna imply it.

No, not really. The truth is, zombies play a relatively small role in Dirge. While they most certainly fill the background, and are the general foe laid out before our heroine, they’re truly the least of her concerns. It’s the masters pulling the strings behind the curtain Dirge has to worry about. The zombies are pretty average for the most part, barring a couple of rare examples.

That said, there’s still plenty of the human drama that makes up a great zombie tale, not to mention some good gore and action. That’s what you’re checking in for, right? Blood, guts, and brains.

Well, hopefully it’s more about the last one as I decided, somewhere along the way to creating Dirge, that I wanted to style the book after more literary sources. I didn’t want just another zombie story where the zombies got their skulls bashed in and the good guys try not to become the monsters they are so desperately trying to destroy. I wanted to create a character who stood out on the world, who was more than muscles and bones wielding a weapon to slaughter the undead, yet still offer up the chaos expected of a zombie book.

Guess you’ll let me know if I’ve succeeded. 

______________________

Tim Marquitz bio:


Tim Marquitz is the author of the Demon Squad series, the Blood War Trilogy, co-author of the Dead West series, as well as several standalone books, and numerous anthology appearances including Triumph Over Tragedy, Corrupts Absolutely?, Demonic Dolls, Neverland's Library, and the forthcoming No Place Like Home and Blackguards.

The Editor in Chief of Ragnarok Publications, Tim most recently compiled and edited the Angelic Knight Press anthologies, Fading Light: An Anthology of the Monstrous and Manifesto: UF, as well as Ragnarok Publications' Kaiju Rising: Age of Monsters.

Web Presence:

Finally, the giveaway:

11 December, 2014

Guest Post & Giveaway! - "Opposites Attract - Characters Who Don't Hate Each Other but Probably Should" by Kenny Soward, Author of the GnomeSaga

Not too long ago, I read and reviewed Rough Magick by Kenny Soward. This was the first book I'd ever heard of that focused on Gnomes and it was a great read. Here's my review in fact. Well it's been retooled by the amazing people behind Ragnarok Publications, and it's ready for an eBook giveaway. Not only that, Soward's got a sequel out this month and a great guest post below. Let me know if I can fit any more into a single post!
___________________________


Opposites Attract – Characters Who Don’t Hate Each Other but Probably Should

By Kenny Soward

I was minding my own business one day, when Joe Martin, Creative Director at Ragnarok Publishing, sent me a private message giving me props for a particularly powerful scene in Tinkermage, the second book in my GnomeSaga series. 

The scene in question involves my main character, Nikselpik, and his cleric acquaintance, Fara. Fara could easily be characterized as neutral good on the D&D spectrum of alignments. And Nikselpik ... well, he’s a dark little fellow. In the scene, Fara intends to guide Nikselpik in the art of healing, and she brings along a wounded snow bird to test his skills. 

I wonder if there’s a joke in there somewhere – a necromancer, a cleric, and a wounded snow bird enter a bar ...

Nikselpik is of course reluctant to learn anything new, but he thinks Fara is pretty hot, so he’s going to play along and see what happens. Fara, on the other hand, is quite aware of Nikselpik’s shortcomings as a god-fearing gnome, but wants to expose him to something a little more positive than the necromantic arts.

Well, you can probably imagine how it ends ... a lot of disappointment and hurt feelings. The disappearance of any light at the end of the tunnel for them. All in all, the makings of some good friction.

At the heart of this scene was a very simple idea – two people who feel deeply bonded to one another want to share things with one another, sometimes to the detriment of their relationship. 

When I discover something funny or cute on FaceBook, I want to share it over to my girlfriend’s page because I want her to laugh like I did. I want to share other things with her, too. All the cool movies she never saw, like Big Trouble in Little China and Mad Max and The Thing, or some new band I recently discovered. Because that’s what makes up me, and I want her to like me. Music is a big part of her life. She’s a huge GWAR fan, so she wants to include me in all the fun and adventures of being a GWAR fan for those very same reasons; I’m pretty sure she wants me to like her too, although you’d have to ask her to be sure.

We’re not complete opposites, but neither are we completely the same, and it’s those degrees of separation that bring spice to our relationship. I get to go to gore spattering GWAR concerts and she gets to have a lot of fun snuggling up in front of the TV with me and viewing all those old culturally iconic movies so important and influential to the SFF and Horror communities. 

But what happens when those degrees of difference are just too far apart, too irrevocably distant? Sharing can turn into a disaster, shock at the other person’s belief system, disappointment, and pain. It can even tear people apart when something so core to one person’s being is considered vile or even blasphemous to another’s. These feelings can be strongest when questions of faith and spirituality are explored. And when the two people are physically attracted to one another – or even attracted by those very differences – it can lead to confusion and resentment. 

And that’s why it seemed completely logical that Fara, a good cleric of Evana, would want to share portions of her faith with someone she sees as exotic and dangerous ... someone she can fix. And the same goes for Nikselpik. He thinks Fara will one day understand his deadspeak even though her faith is so deeply rooted in life and light. They come together with the best of intentions, only to discover their feelings for one another may not be strong enough to bridge the divide between them, to span the distance between their core beliefs.

Will they see past their differences to reach a level of sharing that does not evoke those disaffecting emotions? Or will they suffer apart, never to be reclaim their friendship?

Either way, I knew I had the makings of a great little scene, and I ran with it. Or rather, they did. If you want to know how it all ends, you can check out my GnomeSaga series published by Ragnarok Publications. Also, stop by my Author FaceBook page to get updates on what I’m writing next. 

___________________________

Giveaway Rules for an eBook copy of Rough Magick:

1) Send an email to onlythebestsff[removethis]@gmail.com with the subject: "Get some Gnomes in your Homes"  
2) Include your name and physical address where you want the book sent.
3) This giveaway is international!
4) Snark increases your chance of winning on the next giveaway you enter (extra entries depending on the snark!) 
About the Author:

Kenny Soward grew up in Crescent Park, Kentucky, a small suburb just south of Cincinnati, Ohio, listening to hard rock and playing outdoors. In those quiet 1970's streets, he jumped bikes, played Nerf football, and acquired many a childhood scar.

Kenny's love for books flourished early, a habit passed down to him by his uncles. He burned through his grade school library, and in high school spent many days in detention for reading fantasy fiction during class. 

The transition to author was a natural one for Kenny. His sixth grade teacher encouraged him to start a journal, and he later began jotting down pieces of stories, mostly the outcomes of D&D gaming sessions. At the University of Kentucky, Kenny took creative writing classes under Gurny Norman, former Kentucky Poet Laureate and author of Divine Rights Trip (1971). 

Kenny's latest releases are ROUGH MAGIC (GnomeSaga #1) and THOSE POOR, POOR BASTARDS (Dead West #1) with Tim Marquitz and J.M. Martin. 

By day, Kenny works as a Unix professional, and at night he writes and sips bourbon. Kenny lives in Independence, Kentucky, with three cats and a gal who thinks she's a cat.

TINKERMAGE by Kenny Soward

THE ENEMY EXPOSED. Nikselpik Nur has become the city of Hightower’s staunchest—albeit unwilling—ally. He’s hardly learned to cope with his debilitating bugging addiction, much less take on the duties of being the city’s First Wizard. Can he embrace this new path? And will he? 

Meanwhile, Stena Wavebreaker is pulled from her seafaring duties by the Precisor General and given command of a raggedy airship to scout the ultraworldly enemy from the perilous skies above the Southern Reaches. Her mission: gain the support of the unpredictable ‘swamp elves,’ the Giyipcias. 

Lastly, Niksabella Nur has set off from Hightower at the behest of the grim stonekin leader, Jontuk. The gnomestress must unlock the full potential of her invention, the recursive mirror, and her own powers, to bear what might be the heaviest burden of all. What will she discover along the way? And will Jontuk be able to keep her alive long enough to save them all? 

This is GnomeSaga Book Two.

06 October, 2014

Halloween Giveaway - The Legend of Sleep Hollow and Other Stories by Washington Irving with Introduction and Notes by Elizabeth L. Bradley

I thought this would be a nice way to get into the holiday spirit, run a giveaway for a creepy book! Who doesn't love the tale of Ichabod Crane and the Headless Horsemen found in The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. Enough someone's made a popular television show about it I guess.


This new addition to this classic, which was just released last month, not only includes other stories from Washington Irving, but has notes from Elizabeth Bradley, who wrote Knickerbocker: The Myth Behind New York and who's literary consultant to the caretakers of Irving's Tarrytown, New York home. She may know a thing or two about the author and the legend.


If you'd like a chance at this newly fancified version of the classic The Legend of Sleepy Hollow and Other Stories, here's what it takes:

1. Please include your name and physical address (you know, where the books goes)
2. Also make sure that physical address is in the US or Canada (because I obviously hate the rest of the world ... no, you know I don't mean that, sorry!! **ducks fruit**)
3. Email the above to onlythebestsff@[remove this]gmail.com
4. Snark increases your chance of winning, and I mean really good snark. Let me have it. It's not hard, I suck at lots of things.

03 September, 2014

Winners - Two Titles From Tor Giveaway for The Ultra Thin Man

I know this has been the story of the blog lately, but I finally have the winners for the Tor Giveaway of The Ultra Thin Man by Patrick Swenson and Echopraxia by Peter Watts.


Winners are:

Kayla Strickland from Virginia who gets The Ultra Thin Man by Patrick Swenson

and

Dan Oliveira from Massachusetts who gets Echopraxia by Peter Watts (Dan's second win in two giveaways, what a jerk ... you know ... because random.org loves him) :)


Thanks to all who entered and good luck next time!


14 August, 2014

Giveaway - Two Titles from Tor - The Ultra Thin Man by Patrick Swenson and Echopraxia by Peter Watts

Well, I'm heading on vacation this week. You'll probably not even notice the delay in posting what with my terrible record of late. So, to pass the time, I figured I'd post a giveaway from the wonderful folks at Tor. These are two titles I'm really interested in reading, however, who knows if they will fit into my already ridiculously backlogged schedule.

One winner will get, The Ultra Thin Man by Patrick Swenson.


Another will get Echopraxia by Peter Watts


The rules:
- Email your name and physical address to: onlythebestsff@[remove this]gmail.com
- Please list the order of the books you'd prefer. I'll pick two people and the first person gets their first pick. The second person will get their first pick if it's not the first person's first pick. Crystal clear right?
- For the subject of your email: "The Ultra Thin Man, or The Story of My Life Until 5 Years Ago" (Yes I do often try to see how many people will put a ridiculously long subject in their emails, usually it's everyone.)
- Snarky Comments get you extra entries to future giveaways (and make looking through entries fun for me!) 
- US only *ducks fruit*
- This giveaway ends in two weeks from today (August 28, 2014)
- Thanks!
- Snarky comments get you extra entries for future giveaways (and make reading entries much more entertaining on my end)
- US only **ducks rotten fruit** - See more at: http://onlythebestscifi.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2014-08-02T12:00:00-04:00&max-results=4#sthash.hkubyBUO.dpuf
Tor has offered to give three copies of The Wurms of Blearmouth to three random entrants.

If you would like to enter, please follow the exceedingly simple instructions below:

- Email your name and address to: onlythebestsff@[remove this]gmail.com
- As the subject, write "Wurms? What's a wurm? Oh a Wurm..."
- Snarky comments get you extra entries for future giveaways (and make reading entries much more entertaining on my end)
- US only **ducks rotten fruit**
- This giveaway ends a week from today - See more at: http://onlythebestscifi.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2014-08-02T12:00:00-04:00&max-results=4#sthash.hkubyBUO.dpuf
Tor has offered to give three copies of The Wurms of Blearmouth to three random entrants.

If you would like to enter, please follow the exceedingly simple instructions below:

- Email your name and address to: onlythebestsff@[remove this]gmail.com
- As the subject, write "Wurms? What's a wurm? Oh a Wurm..."
- Snarky comments get you extra entries for future giveaways (and make reading entries much more entertaining on my end)
- US only **ducks rotten fruit**
- This giveaway ends a week from today - See more at: http://onlythebestscifi.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2014-08-02T12:00:00-04:00&max-results=4#sthash.hkubyBUO.dpuf

02 August, 2014

3 Winners - The Wurms of Blearmouth by Steven Erikson Giveaway

Finally, it's time to announce the winners of our Giveaway for Steven Erikson's The Wurms of Blearmouth, the fifth tale of Bauchelain and Korbal Broach. Three of them in fact! Winners that is.


The Wurms of Blearmouth winners are:

- Dan Oliveira from Massachusetts
- John Glen from Fillory?
- Johnathan Floyd from Georgia

Congrats and thanks to all who entered. Till next time!

13 July, 2014

Giveaway and Excerpt - The Wurms of Blearmouth (Tales of Bauchelain and Korbal Broach #5) by Steven Erikson

You may know of my love for everything Malazan by now. I wrote a love letter to Steve (in a way) and it's become the highest-viewed post on the blog. In fact, it continues to be a top view each week.

After completing the main, ten volume series I even declared it's better than George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series, and that's saying something (not that one NEEDS to be better than the other - friends forever hug!).

Then of course I can't be more excited that not only is Erikson writing two more Malazan trilogies, one that he's already started with Forge of Darkness, and not only is Ian Cameron Esslemont just about to finish off his six book series, but Erikson continues to write these ridiculously awesome novellas surrounding Bauchalain and Korbal Broach.


These novellas are probably the most accessible of all of Erikson's work, so they're not a terrible place to start though the action is quite a bit different from his main series. Just a few days ago, the fifth novella came out, The Wurms of Blearmouth, and I have an excerpt to share in just a bit.

First, the giveaway.

Tor has offered to give three copies of The Wurms of Blearmouth to three random entrants.

If you would like to enter, please follow the exceedingly simple instructions below:

- Email your name and address to: onlythebestsff@[remove this]gmail.com
- As the subject, write "Wurms? What's a wurm? Oh a Wurm..."
- Snarky comments get you extra entries for future giveaways (and make reading entries much more entertaining on my end)
- US only **ducks rotten fruit**
- This giveaway ends a week from today

The excerpt:



The Wurms of Blearmouth
By Steven Erikson
Tor Books
Hardcover: 978-0-7653-2426-9
$24.99 U.S. | 208 Pages


Excerpt: Pages 7-16
“Behold!” Arms spread wide and braced against the wind, Lord Fangatooth Claw the Render paused and glanced back at Scribe Coingood. “See how this bold perch incites me to declamation, Scribe?” His narrow, hawkish features darkened. “Why are you not writing?”

Scribe Coingood wiped a drip from his nose, worked his numb fingers for a moment, and then scratched out the one word onto the tablet. Here atop the high tower, it was so cold that the wax on the tablet had chipped and flaked beneath the polished bone point of his scribe. He could barely make out the word he had just written, and the biting ice in his eyes didn’t help matters. Squinting against the buffeting wind, he hunched down, pulling tighter his furs, but that did nothing to ease his shivering.

He cursed his own madness that had brought him to West Elingarth’s Forgotten Holding. He also cursed this insane sorcerer for whom he now worked. He cursed this rotting keep and its swaying tower. He cursed the town below: Spendrugle of Blearmouth was a hovel, its population cowering under the tyranny of its new lord. He cursed the abominable weather of this jutting spur of land, thrashed by the wild ocean on three sides on most days, barring those times when the wind swung round to howl its way down from the north, cutting across the treeless blight that stretched inland all the way to yet another storm-wracked ocean, six days distant. He cursed his mother, and the time when he was seven and looked in on his sister’s room and saw things—oh, what was the point? There were plenty of reasons a man had to curse, and with infernal intimacy he knew most of them.

His dreams of wealth and privilege had suffered the fate of a lame hare on the Plain of Wolves, chewed up and torn to bits; and the wind had long since taken away those tattered remnants: the tufts of blood-matted fur, the wisps of white throat-down, and the well-gnawed splinters of bone. All of it gone, scattered across the blasted landscape of his future.

Chewing on the end of his graver, Coingood considered setting that description down in his secret diaries. A lame hare on the Plain of Wolves. Yes, that’s me all right … was that me or my dreams, that hare? Never mind, it’s not like there’s a difference. Not when he was huddled here atop the tower, miserably subject to his lord’s whim, and Hood knew, a manic, eye-gleaming whim it was.

“Have you written it down now, Scribe? Gods below, if I’d known you were so slow I would never have hired you! Tell me, what did I say? I’ve forgotten. Read it back, damn you!”

“M-m-master, y’said … er … ‘Behold!’”

“Is that it? Didn’t I say anything more?”

“S-s-something ’bout a bold p-p-perch, M-m-milord.”

Lord Fangatooth waved one long-fingered, skeletal hand. “Never mind that. I’ve told you about my asides. They’re just that. Asides. Where was I?”

“‘Behold!’”

The lord faced outward again, defiant against the roaring seas, and struck a pose looming ominously over the town. “Behold! Oh, and note my widespread arms as I face this wild, whore-whipped sea. Oh, and that wretched town directly below, and how it kneels quivering like an abject slave. Note, too, the grey skies, and that fierce colour of … grey. What else? Fill the scene, fool!”

Coingood started scratching furiously on the tablet.

Watching him, Fangatooth made circular, tumbling motions with one hand. “More! Details! We are in the throes of creativity here!”

“I b-b-beg you, m-m-milord, I’m j-j-just a s-s-scribe, n-n-not a poet!”

“Anyone who can write has all the qualifications necessary for artistic genius! Now, where was I? Oh, right. Behold!” He fell silent, and after a long, quivering moment, he slowly lowered his arms. “Well,” he said. “That will do for now. Go below, Scribe, and stoke up the fires and the implements of torture. I feel in need of a visit to my beloved brother.”

Coingood hobbled his way to the trapdoor.

“Next time I say ‘Behold!’,” Fangatooth said behind him, “don’t interrupt!”

“I w-w-won’t, M-m-milord. P-p-promise!”

*   *   *

“There he was again!” Felittle hissed through chattering teeth. “You seen him too, didn’t you? Say you did! It wasn’t just me! Up on that tower, arms out to the sides, like a … like a … like a mad sorcerer!”

Spilgit Purrble, deposed Factor of the Forgotten Holding yet still trapped in the town of Spendrugle of Blearmouth, at least until winter’s end, peered across at the young woman now struggling to close the door to his closet-sized office. Snow had melted and then refrozen across the threshold. He’d need to take a sword to that at least one more time, so that he could officially close up for the season and retreat back to the King’s Heel. As it was, his last day maintaining any kind of office for the backstabbing mob ruling the distant capital and, ostensibly, all of Elingarth, promised to be a cold one.

Even the arrival of Felittle, here in these crowded confines, with her soft red cheeks and the overdone carmine paint on her full lips, and those huge eyes so expansive in their blessed idiocy, could do little to defeat the insipid icy draught pouring in past her from around the mostly useless door. Spilgit sighed and reached for his tankard. “I’ve warmed rum in that kettle, mixed with some wine and crushed blackgem berries. Would you like some?”

“Ooh!” She edged forward, her quilted coat smelling of smoke, ale and her mother’s eye-watering perfume that Spilgit privately called Whore Sweat—not that he’d ever utter that out loud. Not if he wanted to get what he wanted from this blissful child in a woman’s body. And most certainly never to that vicious hag’s face. While Felittle’s mother already despised him, she’d not yet refused his coin and he needed to keep it that way for a few more months, assuming he could find a way of stretching his fast-diminishing resources. After that …

Felittle was breathing fast as Spilgit collected the kettle from its hook above the brazier and poured out a dollop into the cup she’d taken down from the shelf beside the door. He considered again the delicious absence of guilt that accompanied his thoughts of stealing Felittle away from her tyrant of a mother; away from this miserable village that stank of fish all summer and stank of the people eating that fish all winter; away from her mother’s whores and the sordid creatures that crawled into the King’s Heel every day eager for more of the old wick-dipping from that gaggle of girls only a blind man would find attractive, at least until the poor fool’s probing fingers broke through the powdery sludge hiding their pocked faces. Away, then, and away most of all, from that deranged sorcerer who’d usurped his own brother to carve out, in broken bones, spilled blood and the screaming of endless victims, his private version of paradise.

Oh, there was no end to the horrors of this place, but Lord Fangatooth Claw sat atop them all like a king on a throne. How Spilgit hated sorcerers!

“You’re still shivering, darling,” he said to Felittle. “Drink that down and have another, and come closer. Now, with only this one chair, well, sit on my lap again, will you. That’s surely one way to get warm.”

She giggled, swinging her not-ungenerous backside onto him and then leaning back with one arm snaking round the back of his neck. “If Mother saw this, she’d hack off your mast and roast it on a fire till it was burnt crisp!”

“But my sweetheart, are we not dressed? Is this not entirely proper, given the cold and the cramped conditions of this office?”

“Oh, and who else do you do this with?”

“No one, of course, since you are the only person to ever visit me.”

She eyed him suspiciously, but he knew it to be an act, since she well knew that he entertained only her. Felittle missed nothing in this village. She was its eyes and ears and, most of all, its mouth, and it was remarkable to Spilgit that such a mouth could find fuel to race without surcease day after day, night upon night. There were barely two hundred people in Spendrugle, and not one of them could be said to be leading exciting lives. Perhaps there was a sort of cleverness in Felittle, after all, in the manner of her soaking in everything that it was possible to know in Spendrugle, and then spewing it all back out with impressive accuracy. Indeed, she might well possess the wit to match a … a … 

“Blackgem berries make me squirt, you know.”

“Excuse me?”

“Squirt water, of course! What else would I squirt? What a dirty mind you have!”

… sea-sponge? “Well, I didn’t know that. I mean, how could I, since it’s such a … well, a private thing.”

“Not for much longer,” she said, taking another mouthful.

Spilgit frowned, only now feeling the unusual warmth in his lap. “You call that a squirt?”

“Well,” she said, “it’s just that it got me all excited!”

“Really? Oh, then should we—”

“Not you, silly! Fangatooth! On the tower, with his arms spread wide like I said!”

“Alas, I didn’t see any of that, Felittle. Busy as I was in here, putting things in order and all. Even so, for the life of me I can’t see what it was that excited you about such a scene. He does that most mornings, after all.”

“I know that, but this morning it was different. Or at least I thought it was.”

“Why?”

“Well,” she paused to drink down the rum, gusted out a sweet sigh, and then made a small sound. “Oop, it’s all going now, isn’t it?”

Spilgit felt the heat spreading in his crotch, and then his thighs as it pooled in the chair. “Ah, yes…”

“Anyway,” she continued, “I thought he was looking at the wreck, you see? But I don’t think he was. I mean—”

“Hold on, darling. A moment. What wreck?”

“Why, the one in the bay, of course! Arrived last night! You don’t know anything!”

“Survivors?”

She shrugged. “Nobody’s been down to look yet. Too cold.”

“Gods below!” Spilgit pushed her from his lap. He rose. “I need to change.”

“You look like you peed yourself! Hah hah!”

He studied her for a moment, and then said, “We’re heading down, darling. To that wreck.”

“Really? But we’ll freeze!”

“I want to see it. You can come with me, Felittle, or you can run back to your ma.”

“I don’t know why you two hate each other. She only wants what’s best for me. But I want to do what her girls do, and why not? It’s a living, isn’t it?”

“You’re far too beautiful for that,” Spilgit said.

“That’s what she says!”

“And she’s right, on that we’re agreed. The thing we don’t agree on is what your future is going to look like. You deserve better than this horrible little village, Felittle. She’d as much as chain you down if she thought she could get away with it. It’s all about her, what she wants you to do for her. Your ma’s getting old, right? Needing someone to take care of her, and she’ll make you a spinster if you let her.”

Her eyes were wide, her breaths coming fast. “Then you’ll do it?”

“What?”

“Steal me away!”

“I’m a man of my word. Come the spring, darling, we’ll swirl the sands, flatten the high grasses and flee like the wind.”

“Okay, I’ll go with you!”

“I know.”

“No, down to the wreck, silly!”

“Right, my little sea-sponge. Wait here, then. I need go back to the Heel and change … unless you need to do the same?”

“No, I’m fine! If I go back Ma will see me and find something for me to do. I’ll wait here. I wasn’t wearing knickers anyway.”

Well, that explains it, doesn’t it. Oh darling, you’re my kind of woman.

Except for the peeing bit, that is.

Copyright © 2012 by Steven Erikson


If you would like to enter, please follow the exceedingly simple instructions below:
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If you would like to enter, please follow the exceedingly simple instructions below:
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- Write "Magician's Don't Kit " in the subject line (or something that lets me know what you're entering)
- Remember, this is NOT the book, The Magician's Land, only a teaser package
- Snarky comments get you extra entries for future giveaways (and make reading entries much more entertaining)
- US only (don't hate the messenger!)
- This giveaway ends a week from today
- See more at: http://onlythebestscifi.blogspot.com/2014/05/giveaway-magicians-kit-in-preparation.html#sthash.hzj2wfT0.dpuf
If you would like to enter, please follow the exceedingly simple instructions below:
- Email your name and address to: onlythebestsff@[remove this]gmail.com
- Write "Magician's Don't Kit " in the subject line (or something that lets me know what you're entering)
- Remember, this is NOT the book, The Magician's Land, only a teaser package
- Snarky comments get you extra entries for future giveaways (and make reading entries much more entertaining)
- US only (don't hate the messenger!)
- This giveaway ends a week from today
- See more at: http://onlythebestscifi.blogspot.com/2014/05/giveaway-magicians-kit-in-preparation.html#sthash.hzj2wfT0.dpuf
If you would like to enter, please follow the exceedingly simple instructions below:
- Email your name and address to: onlythebestsff@[remove this]gmail.com
- Write "Magician's Don't Kit " in the subject line (or something that lets me know what you're entering)
- Remember, this is NOT the book, The Magician's Land, only a teaser package
- Snarky comments get you extra entries for future giveaways (and make reading entries much more entertaining)
- US only (don't hate the messenger!)
- This giveaway ends a week from today
- See more at: http://onlythebestscifi.blogspot.com/2014/05/giveaway-magicians-kit-in-preparation.html#sthash.hzj2wfT0.dpuf
If you would like to enter, please follow the exceedingly simple instructions below:
- Email your name and address to: onlythebestsff@[remove this]gmail.com
- Write "Magician's Don't Kit " in the subject line (or something that lets me know what you're entering)
- Remember, this is NOT the book, The Magician's Land, only a teaser package
- Snarky comments get you extra entries for future giveaways (and make reading entries much more entertaining)
- US only (don't hate the messenger!)
- This giveaway ends a week from today
- See more at: http://onlythebestscifi.blogspot.com/2014/05/giveaway-magicians-kit-in-preparation.html#sthash.hzj2wfT0.dpuf