18 August, 2009

Is my Girlfriend a Demon? Calling on Urban Fantasy Experts



I spend my nights in fear, I don't dare close my eyes. I looked in the Yellow pages for a wizard, but could not find Harry Dresden. And so I come to you, my reader, for help. I believe that Christine, my girlfriend, is a demon if not the head honcho of hell, the devil. I have tried every trick I know to prove her demonic lineage, and have come out empty handed every time. From holy water in her tea to iron jewelry she just smiles and kisses me, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes! Just when I thought things could not get worse, I discovered that hot oil exposes her true nature! Look, what an errant drop of oil did, it revealed her master's mark.

I set out to research the number six, thinking that she was a lesser demon that could yet be turned to the ways of good. Alas, I fear that my hope was in vain. According to The Lesser Key of Solomon, my girlfriend is the sixth most powerful demon in existence, commanding ten legions of the damned. I name her now for what she is, truly, Duchess of Hell, Valefar. I now understand her game, time being her eternal ally, she seeks to tempt me to her cause, enticing me to join her forsaken legions. Ahh readers, is there no hope for my redemption and for hers? Perhaps, in your treasure trove of dark lore you hold the gem of knowledge which will save me from eternal damnation. For surely I am not strong enough to resist her power; already I feel myself slipping into her dark embrace.

Now, with confirmation of her true nature, I am at a loss for what to do. Save me oh reader, for I fear for my very soul! Day by day, my courage slips. Lend me your knowledge so that I may free myself and deliver my soul from the clutches of darkness. Hear me now and lend aid for the darkness beckons and time is short.

9 comments:

Christine said...

Thank you, sweetheart, for that very complimentary post. However, I think whether or not I'm inherently evil is yet to be seen. It seems as though "666" is used to represent evil more often than just "6" on its own, so I think we should wait and see if any more numbers appear.

Also, while looking into this, I learned that x=6 is the only number for which 1+2+...+n = 1*2*...*n = x for some value of n, in this case, n=3.

Catalino said...

hahahaha nerrrrrrrrds!

OnlyTheBestSciFi/Fantasy said...

Well thank you for the compliment Cat. This is what happens when I get too lazy to write a review... and Christine, you really need to do my laundry...

Christine said...

I'll do your laundry when you move my air conditioner!

ediFanoB said...

In case Christine - the name of my wife is Christiane...coincidences??? - is a demon should use her power to poison you with the terrible laundry venom. Just imagine the lovely smell of washing powder and the inspiring hours in front of the washing machine... What could be more satisfying....

Mykal said...

OBSF: Dude, she's a demon. Trust your instincts. Had a girlfriend once, loved to cook. I heard her yelp, came running like the trusting neophyte that I was . She seemed to be the innocent victim of a common oil spatter. Later that day, I saw it - mark of the Beast.

I am in hiding now. Actually living like a hunted animal. I risk much with this missive. Learn by my mistakes. -- Mykal

OnlyTheBestSciFi/Fantasy said...

I knew it!

Anonymous said...

i don't know what to do.. i sometimes think i am also a demon... there are things that happens in my life that i can't explain.. i don't have the mark of the beast but a lot of soothsayers, fortune-tellers, numerologist i belong to the dark side... i always pray that it's not true... it will manifest when i reach the age of 26, now i am 25, born on Feb. 13.1986

Anonymous said...

You could try protecting yourself psysically? Buy an amythest, the most protective crystal you can get. Use white sage incense sticks to get rid of the evil in your room. I don't really believe that a cross helps, but according to Pagan lore, the sign of the horns (\m/) will protect you from evil? Sincerely, a 'White' Witch :)