26 November, 2010

Funny Wheel of Time Review

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and to those who don't celebrate it, hope you've had a great week.

This review of Crossroads of Twilight really had me cracking up and since I'm on vacation right now and have no review of my own, I thought this might work in lieu.

(from sffworld.com)
Author - Tom E.

"Those who can appreciate great setup will really love this book. Personally, I thought the setup in books 8 and 9 were good ... but this was absolutely stupendous. Fans of total plot inertia will be in heaven.

I've grown to hate the character of Rand because whenever he makes an appearance the plot is in danger of moving incrementally forward. Thankfully, Mr. Jordan saves us from any threatening plot developments by keeping Rand almost totally absent from this book. And when he is introduced - briefly - towards the very end, Mr. Jordan quickly whisks him off to the sidelines before anything interesting can happen. Whew! I'm wiping the sweat off my brow because that was a close one.

Have you ever wondered how many stripes should be on the dublet of an important dignitary from Illian? How many shawl twitches are appropriate when Aes Sedai negotiate momentous agreements? What kind of stool the general of an Aes Sedai army sits on, and how stable said stool might be? Well buckle up for a wild ride, amigo, because you're going to learn all that (and more!) by the time you've tediously slogged to the conclusion of this book.

Part of what really makes Mr. Jordan's worlds so unique are the wonderful characters which populate them. I like nothing more than to scratch my head in befuddlement as yet another Aes Sedai is reintroduced into the plot whom I can no longer recall. It gives me an excuse to page to the back of the book and open up the 'Robert Jordan Appendix of Useless and Irrelevant Characters' which is always such a joy. I've created my own drinking game based on this called, [...]
For anyone who wants to play along the rules are simple:

1.) Is the character you're looking up totally irrelevent? Take a drink.
2.) Do you have reason to suspect said character will remain totally irrelevent? Take a drink.
3.) Does the character twitch her shawl? Take two drinks.
4.) Is she looking "cross-eyed" at someone? Take a drink.
5.) Do you know the exact design of the embroidery on the fringe of her shawl? Of course you do - take a drink. For your own sanity, consider taking another.


The Fantasizer said...

Hilarious! Had me laughing till my ribs hurt!
I am an extreme Jordan fan but this review of this particular book does'nt really fall off the mark.
Great sarcasm from whoever wrote the review, hope he continues to write reviews such as this, might make for interesting reads!

Bryce L. said...

Haha, I'm a huge fan too, but I couldn't stop laughing at this. I think the reviewer liked it too, but it doesn't make what he was saying any less true. :)

redhead said...

zomg, that was hilarious! and since I was contemplating some kind of Robert Jordan-athon for 2011, I've saved and printed out the drinking game rules.

Bryce L. said...

I think I'll be doing the same next year. Hope you have lots to drink for that game. :)